beyond the rift } { public

[toomuchheart]

I miss my family. I miss being one of them. Things were simpler then.

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[toomuchheart]

[there's no reaction to this, because honestly? Cas has kept worse secrets. but if Dean were here, he'd probably pitch a fit at this one.

Never mind the fact that the Winchesters were his family too, but in all likelihood, Sam wouldn't understand]

[starryeyed-cass.livejournal.com]

It's okay to miss your family.

But you'll always still be one of them, no matter where you are.

[toomuchheart]

[there's a pause as he looks at this, and then slowly]

It isn't that simple. I fell, Cassie.

[starryeyed-cass.livejournal.com]

[Long, long pause. She's not entirely sure how to answer to this. She's not even sure just what it exactly means.]

Oh.




Why did you fall?

[toomuchheart]

[it's far more complicated than it actually sounds, and he isn't entirely sure how to explain it, but he tries to keep it as simple as possible]

Because I believed we should be trying to save humanity, not trying to destroy them. I placed more faith in a pair of humans than I did what they believed to be our Father's rightful plan, and as a result, they cast me out.

[lefthertainted]

[ And then Mio gets her philosophical musings all over everything. I guess that's kind of what happens any time she talks to Cas. ]

I would say I'm sorry, but it would only be hypocritical to say that after all of what I've said about not wanting any sympathy for things that can't be changed.

It's probably not very comforting to hear, but simpler...is not always better, I've found. And while the family you are born with is important, the family you choose is even more so.

I don't think it's possible to change and grow without some loss along the way. While we will always miss those who are lost to us, loss also gives us the opportunity to search out others to--not replace, because one person can never truly replace another--but others who can give us new and different possibilities than the ones we had before. And who knows, perhaps one day we will find what was once lost to us. The ways of the multiverse are mysterious, and I am not so foolish as to try to predict them.

[toomuchheart]

I do not believe that what is lost can be regained in this respect. They have killed me twice. And the family I have chosen has is ... better.

[a pause]

I do not wish to miss them. I know that I am better for having left, but still ... I wish that they would have understood somehow.

Is that an odd feeling to have?

[lefthertainted]

Twice? Wow, that's really rather harsh. I'm glad you've found a better family than that.

[ Mio stares at the text on the screen of her phone for a bit before thinking of something to say in reply. ]

Emotions are complicated and paradoxical things. You would think that as an empathic psychic I would be able to understand them quite well, but everything I've learned has only ever led to more questions. But I do know this: you are far from alone in feeling those emotions.

I think it is only natural to yearn for acceptance from one's kin. I'm not exactly sure how it works for angels in your world, but for humans the people and experiences from your first few years of life--the "formative years", as it were--have a great impact in creating the basic structure of the person that you become. To then be rejected by the people and the culture that had such a significant impact in creating the framework of your personality has the potential to be especially devastating.

[toomuchheart]

... I see.

[he doesn't. psychology goes over his head. but he appreciates the thought]

Thank you.

[comedownthisroad]

Me too.

[toomuchheart]

It is hard -- being the ... odd one out.

[comedownthisroad]

Especially when you never wanted to be. Wouldn't go back, but all you wanted was to make your dad proud, and then it all went to shit because you had to do the right thing.

Fucking sucks.

[toomuchheart]

It does.

Did you ... find it worth it?

[ohshiny-tomatos.livejournal.com]

I miss my family, too.


That's not a bad thing.

[toomuchheart]

My family isn't like your family, Parker. They are not ... nice.

[ohshiny-tomatos.livejournal.com]

My other families weren't always nice.

I'm sorry Castiel. You should have a nice family.

[toomuchheart]

The family I chose is very nice.

[magicandpudding.livejournal.com]

I'm very sorry, Mr. Castiel.

[toomuchheart]

Thank you.

[enoughtocarry.livejournal.com]

I know the feeling. [He misses Dean, after all. ;_; And no, he doesn't quite understand but... Cas is his friend, one of the few friends he has here, that both knew and understands what Dean meant to him.]

[toomuchheart]

I am sure your brother will return someday. The Rift seems to have an ... attachment to Winchesters.

[enoughtocarry.livejournal.com]

I hope so. [Pause.] When you say family, you mean more angels?

[yourwonderings.livejournal.com]

Simpler how?

[toomuchheart]

I didn't ... doubt. The decisions of the archangels were absolute, and the only need I had was to simply follow my orders.

[yourwonderings.livejournal.com]

You prefer that?